Monday, January 26, 2009

The Choice

Today, I want to be able to work outside in the sunshine that fills my backyard... trimming shrubs... pulling errant weeks... moving things around on the patio.

But I know that if I spend more than 15 minutes or so out there in the 80* weather, there will be a price to pay later.... first, the feeling of nausea that comes with absolutely overwhelming fatigue... then my left eye will go a little nuts and my range of vision will shrink... it'll be hard to read a book or type a blog or play a video game... and my energy will run out long before the day does.

Always a choice... usually made internally... seldom given voice... and even less seldom revealed to those closest to me... generally my decision is based on whether or not the consequences are something that I can keep hidden from my family... so as not to worry them.

If I spend some time doing what I want to do in the backyard, will I still be able to bluff my way through the rest of the day with my family? Will I be able to convince them that I'm perfectly okay... even if I'm not?

That's the real choice... the real question.

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